Tag Archives: comedy

5 Things We Avoid Saying….but really should.

12 Nov

zipped lips

‘Keep it zipped and no one gets hurt’?….

1. Your breath/body smells. Who wants to tell someone that a part of them stinks? Awkward as anything but everyone they meet will be grateful.

2. I really didn’t like that meal you cooked. It’s so much better to tell them now before they get excited and make it for next big dinner parties main dish. To allow them to bestow that plate on anybody else is wickedness. And you know it….

3. You can’t sing. A big ouch, especially if they enjoy it and do it publicly. However, it will stop them being that person who gets laughed at on at the X Factor auditions. Friendship can be about saving people from themselves and embarrassing Youtube legacies.

4. We’ve grown apart, and this friendship isn’t good for me. Some people are in our past for a reason. There are some friendships too heavy with baggage to drag into our future. You are chosen to progress, live and learn. I say ‘choose’ because we have it in our power to change our outlook and consequentially the majority of our outcomes. Friend A does not want to progress, live right or even learn from past mistakes. Then has the cheek to try and plunge you into these mistakes with her? Friend B wants to love you and not wife you and continue to flash call you and finish YOUR contract minutes? (cheap skate). Friend C treats you like rubbish and abuses your friendship by lying but is sweet and coy when they need a helping hand. Since when did you become a yo-yo? You are under no stringed obligation to return to the scene of the pain. Be honest with yourself, it’s hurting like it’s burning. Drop it’s hot!

5. I love you. Yes, she’s the girl in and of your dreams and there is probably a reason why. Ha! She may say yes or no, but at least you tried. This isn’t Hollywood. If she marries someone else and you still continue to pursue her, you aren’t going to passionately kiss in the rain. Some one is gonna get punched in the face. Take the tip.

PS: What if….like seriously, what IF she says yes? ;-)……cue orchestra……

FYI: I’m really enjoying these posts and judging by the stats so are you! If you can think of anything you hate to say, comment in box below!

x Chi x

Advertisements

5 Things: That are just wrong……..and really freak me out

29 Oct

keep calm mug

Keep calm? I’m trying.

1. People who feel up their partners butts in public.  A sweet kiss? Please go ahead but COME ON! Seriously, the butts not going anywhere if you play your cards right! We know you like her, we know you find her attractive and other biological stuff…….. but please keep it IN private. This means away from tube escalators, shopping centres, pavements and restaurants. Also, away from my face. Yes, restaurants! Whilst at a Thai Place Sunday night one man’s hands were getting a little too friendly with his girlfriend. All whilst they appeared to be casually socialising with their friends. Only I could see the real deal.

2. Children with lots of makeup and nail varnish on. A bit of a serious one but it has to go in. Please tell me why some 4 year olds are wearing more jewellery and make up than this 23 year old? No…urgh…no! Children=Childhood please!

3. Camel toe. No description necessary. Common among those who think that leggings are trousers. They are not trousers, I repeat they are NOT trousers! And the majority are not thick, why should I know what colour knickers you are wearing. Why should i know that your knickers have dots on them. Or little flowers or raunchy lace? There is an extent to being my brothers keeper. I feel sorry for all those guys trying to keep a pure mind because I’m considering wearing shades permanently!

4. Guys that longer eye lashes than me. It’s just so unfair…..sigh.

5. People who love their pets a bit too much.  I understand that you dog is cute and has the cutest little ears and paws. I even understand how your pet can become your best friend. But licking all over your face and going about your life as if you are not bacteria riddled! Let’s just get this clear, you are not the same species! Cute and all but….limits. Please.

FYI: These are just my opinions!

xChix

5 Things Tuesday: 5 Things I would tell my younger self.

9 Jul

DSCN4117

1. Half of those silly things you hate about yourself are not such a big deal. You share your stretch marks with millions. Your chest will never get much bigger, but that doesn’t mean your not attractive. You’ll figure out how to keep spots at bay for special occasions.

2. The world is a scary place with a whole load of wierdo’s. Not trusting anyone makes life hard. Just choose who you trust wisely.

3. .Right now Jesus is just your friend. One day He will become your everything. The journey has just started.

4. Growing up doesn’t mean you have get it all together. Perfection is unattainable, it’s easier to try to do the right thing.

5. There’s nothing wrong with you. The reason they say your slow is dyslexia, but the reason you’ll suceed anyway is God. You’ll get that Maths GCSE and your Head of Year who told you that you weren’t suitable for a formal education will pout when you give her that box of maltesers on your A-Level results day. By they way Mrs So and So, I told you so 😉 (Cue cheesy triumphant music.)

What would you tell your younger self? Life is funny in that we are taught the same lesson until it sinks in. Writing this made me think about some of the journies I am still on and the work ahead. I’m not overwhelmed at all, just in awe of how far God has brought me. I’m not just grateful, I’m happy !

5 Things Tuesday: The Problem with Instagram…

25 Jun

Greetings from New York, wonderful lovelies! Thank you for being so loyal and supportive. I’m deep in the middle of helping to sort out yet another wedding. It is definitely becoming a trend! New York State is wonderful. I can’t wait to get to the city! Pictures and details will be shared shortly as always.

instagram

1. Instagammers always think what they are taking a picture of is more important than it actually is. Who cares what faces your cat is pulling this morning? Sometimes it’s cute, sometimes it’s just a cat’s face. I don’t even know know whether I’m a cat or a dog person but one thing is true. I’m not always bothered.

2. Instagrammers are sly show offs. Every success is documented, yet half of them don’t even have a printed family photo album. Loose their passwords and their life just didn’t happen.

3. Instagrammers lie! Girl, I saw you yesterday!! We all know that hot hair pic should really be a throwback thursday picture! That #nomakeup, I can see the eyeliner!

4. Instagrammers have angel boyfriends. Who buy them flowers all the time and leave them picture perfect neat notes. By the way, what is it with all the ‘he bought me this and that’ #keeper posts! When was the last time you worked hard and bought yourself a diamond? silly silly…

5. Instagrammers make danger look silly. Taking pictures in the driving seat and on the edge of mountains. Does your mum know you are doing this? Someone call 999….NOW!

And by the way…..I’m guilty too! 😉

Video

Spotlight: Post Teaser on Mad Men Season 5

27 Mar

Draper is BACK!!!

For those of you who have never watched Mad Men, it is one of the most stylish programs around! It is set in a New York advertisement agency in the 1960’s and is filled with drama, heat and at times a little deceit. I will be doing a style post on Mad Men Season 5 when we see more but until then I hope this video makes you laugh..and say..what?

%d bloggers like this: